Minimum definitions - 2

Sin:
A win of chagrin?

Greed:
I need that indeed.

Calm:
A tom on my palm.

Strife:
My wife fetched a knife.

Joy:
Oh boy, a toy!

EU-phoria - Part 2

A good friend of mine, the German Herman,
went to some lonely Norwegian region.
Much to his surprise he met his Swiss sis,
wearing a new dress with some Dutch touch.

EU-phoria - Part 1

I cleaned my French bench
with some Polish polish,
then paid my Italian stallion
with a Czech check.

Unsuccessful inventions - Part 2

The pig iron

Unsuccessful inventions - Part 1

The sheep pen

Shortest stories - Part 2

Stew.
Sue: "To you.
Chew, Hugh!"
(Who? - The Jew.)
Hugh knew:
Sue's stew - goo.
"Pooh! Screw you."
Hugh threw.

Bed-wetter?

Some crazy thought ran through my head,
when Daisy brought a new, dry bed.

Employ Elton!

Everything ends easily - even eating Easter eggs.
Eerie!

Shortest stories - Part 1

Mist.
A fist!
Missed...
A twist - his wrist!
Pissed.

Rhyme me! - Part 5

Put almonds, olives and cannabis on a sandwich, then go to office:
You won't need that twelfth aspirin pill!

Simple maths

I won a piano yesterday.
It's too big for my appartment, though.
Well, at least it was free...
Maybe I'll find some use for it?

Draw Dennis!

Dutch donkeys discovered dry, dirty deserts.
Days drag - dreary donkeys die.
Don't!

Mixed up!

"Meow," said the cow.
"Cock-a-doodle-doo," replied the kangaroo.
"Baa, baa," added the cobra.

Magic Mosquitos

Massy midges sting messy witches.
"Ow!"
That itches.

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 12

111. Count your fingers!
112. Fill your stockings with icecream!
113. Explore a kangaroo's brain!
114. Pollute the air!
115. Make a profit out of someone else's misery!
116. Deal illegally with maple syrup!
117. Destroy your wristwatch!
118. Plant an oak!
119. Smoke a dozen of cigars!
120. Think of at least 10 reasons why writing a list of good ideas to improve the situation is important for world economy!

Check Charlie!

Counselors comment, carrying colored crayons:
"Carrots cannot crumble, clay can."

Crazy.

Bring Barney!

Bitter:
Brutes bully brainy boys, but brides barely bother.

Ask Alfred!

American authors almost always avoid accusations against authorities.
African authors?
Also.

Zzz...

Lethargy can lead toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofsdhui.

Untold children's stories - Part 4

Itsy Bitsy Streaker

The itsy bitsy streaker ran through the soccer pitch.
Down came the referee and threw him in the ditch.
Muddy was the naked man hurting was his tail,
And the itsy bitsy streaker was quickly put in jail.

Volkswagen!

Mowing, not moving.
Showing, not shoving.
Rowing, not roving.

Sometimes I feel you can get sick of rhyming.

Howdy!

Some "how-to-books" that should definitely be written in my opinion include:

How to...

... gain supernatural powers.
... make a dog look like a horse.
... sneeze without closing your eyes.
... die.
... make a banana picking machine.
... reanimate your favourite historical person.
... speak like Kermit the Frog.
... abbreviate abbreviations.

Incompetent Sushi Cook / Drug Dealer

"No need to seed weed."

Mini-Biography

Born with scorn.
Raised in haste.
Lived in gift.
Died with pride.

Maths for Dummies

Three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three plus three equals sixty.
Now you know.

Huh?

Wen eb dluow dnuor
yaw rehto eht gnitirw taht
eulc eht ot emac tub,
sdrawrof etirw ot desu I.

Those strange, tiny mammals...

A hedgehog, quite vivid,
jumped into a hole.
D'you know why he did it?
To startle the mole!

Back to life!

No one here
to shoot some deer.

No one there
for "Thruth or Dare".

No one wants
to kiss his aunts.

No one likes
to paint old bikes.

No one but me.
Gee!

Creative Spam Mail Subjects - Part 1

"Gain more brain!"

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 11

101. Help a drowning fly
102. Build a staircase!
103. Solve a giant crossword puzzle!
104. Sell your trousers!
105. Study Turkish!
106. Bend your knees!
107. Blackmail a dictator of your choice!
108. Hug a hedgehog!
109. Go shopping!
110. Walk into an enchanted forest!

Don't.

Don't lie.
Don't cry.
Don't spy.
Don't fly.
Don't die.
Don't fry.
Don't sigh.
Goodbye.

Untold children's stories - Part 3

The black sheep of the family

"Baa, baa, black boy,
Do you gather wool?"
"Yes Sir, yes Sir,
Tons of jute sacks full."

"Some for the noble men
And some for the brave,
The only one that has to freeze
Is me - I'm just a slave."

Warning!

People on earth, I have to say:
Beware of the deadly cauliflower!
It comes at night and bites you to death,
takes away
your power
and breath.

Home improvement

"Please give me that wrench,"
said Mr. Allen to the monkey.

Rhyme me! - Part 4

Promise:
Produce a film about purple plankton, orange reptiles and a silver wolf.

Semi-helpful advice

"Dig, Ben, under the pig pen! You'll find a twig then."

Bovine Weariness

"There's nothing I can do but moo."

Hello, I'm Anne.

Can you buy a can?
Can you make a plan?
Can you meet Joanne?
Do you know Japan?

Can you use a fan?
Can you eat a flan?
Can you see a man?
Have you been to Cannes?

Can you lift a ban?
Can you heat a pan?
Can you drive a van?
Are you spick and span?

Territorial questions

"Could I borrow that borough

or

would you lend me that land?"

Another styled story

A mother said to her child,
"Your brother's gone real wild."
The other cheerfully smiled,
"Don't bother, keep youself mild!"

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 10

91. Don't use the word!
92. Spell your surname!
93. Go for gold!
94. Take a picture of your toe!
95. Feed a noodle to your poodle!
96. Act like a camel!
97. Open your mouth!
98. Meet Jesus!
99. Copy your buttocks!
100. Melt some ice cream!

Jesus knows little more!

A boy called Devon emigrated from Georgia, hopeless idiot.

Guess what's that... (5)

Hmm...what could that be?

Mark the line for the solution:
It' a fairy tale!

Rhyme me! - Part 3

A bachelor,
after his ninth pint of beer,
starts the engine,
being held hostage by angry monsters.

Chaos.

Useful rules of thumb - Part 2

Zoological classifications:

"A camel's a mammal."

Exciting questions

Will Jill kill Phil?
Will Will feel ill?
Will Bill still chill?

What a thrill...

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 9

81. Have a cup of green tea!
82. Ignore your biology teacher!
83. Set your alarm clock to 2 am!
84. Dry a frog!
85. Clone your keyboard!
86. Brush your fingernails!
87. Call your favorite vice president!
88. Sleep on the kitchen table!
89. Hunt some oak leaves!
90. Read a book backwards!

Useful rules of thumb - Part 1

Cooking vegetable soup:

"First shopping, then chopping."

Untold chlidren's poems - Part 2

Jack kicks the bucket

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fill their water pail.
Down fell Jack and broke his neck
And instantly went pale.

Down Jill peeked and out she freaked
And madly raced her heart;
Beside Jack's dead and lifeless head
The pail had come apart.

Sense-ible advice

Can you hear the sun shining?
Can you smell a child whining?
Can you see the garbage stink?
Then maybe you should have a drink.

Up, up and away

"I'd like to dance in France by chance,"
said Anne and ran to her van.

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 8

71. Set fire in the nearest supermarket!
72. Act like a crazy, flying frog!
73. Propose to a club!
74. Bring back my bonnie to me!
75. Read some interesting information about penguins!
76. Watch your satellite dish!
77. Cause a leathal accident with the help of a fish and a log!
78. Clap your hands!
79. Milk your hamster!
80. Jump and run!

Rhyme me! - Part 2

It's obvious:
Every citizen is different.
Some like pizza, some prefer chocolate.
That's justice.

Incompetent Library Guide

"Don't look at the book that you took!"

Incompetent Zoo Guide

"That boar is a bore - just ignore."

Rhyme me! - Part 1

Last month I glimpsed an empty galaxy.
I saw a shadow of a penguin - nothing else.
Angst.
Feeling anxious.

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 7

61. Cross your legs and jump into the air!
62. Draw a map of Paris!
63. Heat some blood!
64. Get a four-headed baby!
65. Find a treasure!
66. Run into a mirror!
67. Hug a bee!
68. Mix different types of tea!
69. Talk rubbish!
70. Build a fence out of lemon grass!

Untold children's poems - Part 1

Mary had a piece of ham

Mary had a piece of ham,
Its rind was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went,
The ham was sure to go.

She took it to her school one day;
That was against the rule.
It made the children highly gay
To eat some ham at school.

But when the teacher saw the meat,
he threw it out of there.
And so it rested on the street
Till Mary did appear.

"Why does she have that big a ham?"
The eager children cry.
"Why, Mary used to have a lamb,"
The teacher did reply.

Minimum definitions

Lust:
It's just that I must.

Fear:
I hear someone near.

Sorrow:
Is there war, oh, tomorrow?

Fun:
The run's just begun.

Hate:
I ate my mate.

Messed.

There was a chest on my chest,
quite vast, to add zest.
I guessed I'd protest,
so, distressedly, I pressed
and released my breast.

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 6

51. Lose your temper!
52. Spend some time with a drawer!
53. Tell someone a fun joke!
54. Have a family strife!
55. Eat a rubber chicken!
56. Slide down an icy hill!
57. Write an essay about swings!
58. Suck your thumb!
59. Break some glass!
60. Dig a cone into the sand!

Narcissism

There was a man in Hawaii,
Who had only one eye.
I stared in the sky
when he came passing by.
Sigh.

He seemed quite shy,
although strangely sly.
All in all a nice guy,
in his hands apple pie.
My!

He stopped and said "Hi!"
I was wondering why,
then thought: "Why not reply?"
So I told him a lie.
Aye.

Guess what's that... (4)

...or rather: Guess who's that!

Mark the line for the solution:

It's Hairy Potter!

Cruel things happen.

Nash: "Cash?"
A rash lash: a gash.
Bash him!
A dash of mash - hash.
His sash: ash.
Quash it!
Wash yor hand.
End.

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 5

41. Marry a monkey!
42. Let x be 27!
43. Shut a wooden door!
44. Kill Bill!
45. Drown!
46. Switch on a your friendliest microwave oven!
47. Have a chat with your favorite yellow wall!
48. Pray to a Greek goddess!
49. Put on a pink raincoat with yellow flowers on it!
50. Make friends with a donkey!

Good ideas to improve the situation - Part 4

31. Destroy a castle!
32. Shrink!
33. Feed a two-headed squirrel!
34. Talk to your television set!
35. Scare your legs!
36. Run around a Greek column while freaking out!
37. Drop some of your clothes"
38. Pour strawberry juice over your head!
39. Shoot a red cow!
40. Play the flute!

Guess what's that... (3)

What could it be my crazy mind has come up with today?


Mark the line for the solution:
A toad stool!